The following three drafts are of my script for my six minute fictional piece, they are in the order they are written and I am currently writting another draft based on feedback from peers, friends and lecturers.
6 Minute Fictional Piece.
Characters.
The two main character focuses:
(note no characters will be named during the film therefore any names used are purely for scripting purposes).
Martin (the pupil): goes to the master to learn how to confront his enemies although we are not told until later in the story who he is trying to fight. This character has very little dialogue, keeping to his silence, which it is to be found out later, is due to grief. Martin will be wearing a black top and trousers
James (the killer): this character is not obviously the second central character, but for my story it is as the entire story unfolds due to his one action leading to Martin seeking revenge. We see this character twice and only one of them is in person as the other is a video. This character will be clean shaven and well groomed, always wearing a suit.
Additional characters:
The Master: the main talking character of this film he is charge of Martin’s training but his methods prove to be somewhat excessive to the point of being cruel. This character will be wearing a black Gi. I would ideally like to get my old media tutor Justin Day for this part as he is a martial artist and a drama actor.
Michele (Martin’s Girlfriend): Killed by James we only see this character briefly in the video and in Martin’s memory.
The Film.
So far I am unsure as of how exactly to start this film so that it fits the story and looks good. At this point I think that the best way to open it would be with a simple series of images displaying the opening credits. An alternative idea is to have Martin walking toward his destination, this is a simple idea and tends to look a little amateur which is why I am trying to keep clear of as much as possible.
When the first main scene kicks in we see Martin sat across from The Master in a dojo type room made of wood. I intend to achieve this by green screening this entire opening part. Although this is a typical scene for a fight film it is also necessary to lure the audience into a false sense of security for later on in the film.
In this scene the master will do the entire talking Martin being stoic and impassive throughout. As The Master is talking we see a montage of clips related to what he is saying. These clips are a couple of seconds of footage that will be shown in full through out the film. These include:
An open hand sparring match.
Meditating in an open forest
Physical labour
Training with bokken on a hilltop at sun set.
And finally one shot of Martin screaming and crying.
After this scene has ended we will see the beginning of the training, we will not see the master actually demonstrating the moves, simple Martin doing as he has been instructed. Many of these clips will from the shots above but the full versions, but as well as this there will be several that were not included.
The first of these scenes will be in a forest where Martin is using a tree as a punch bag, his hands bound in hand-wraps. A look of vigour on his face. The camera passes behind a tree and when it emerges on the other side the scene is different.
In this scene we can just see Martin sat quietly in a meditating position in a forest clearing.
This clip shows the master and Martin training at sunset at sunset on top of a hill, some of this will be shot from a distance so we see mainly silhouettes.
In this scene we see Martin dragging a cart filled with bricks. The wheels of the cart are square making it difficult to move. We see him pile up the bricks in a small square up to waist height. When he is done The master puts two thick pillows on the bricks and hands him a hammer. As he begins to hammer with force the camera cuts to his face, the anger is gone and he just seems empty.
In the next scene we see Martin and The Master sat across from each other, food between them.
Martin: “Master what is the point of all of these futile tasks?”
Master: “If you cannot tell me the answer to that then you are not ready to know.”
The scene changes and we once again see him doing his pointless tasks.
The scene goes back to the room where they were eating this time with small differences to make it clear it is a new day.
Master: “What is the point in these futile tasks?”
Martin: “To strengthen my body and mind.”
The master picks up Martins plate and empties half on the floor before placing it back in front of him.
The scene goes back to the pointless tasks.
The scene becomes another meal time
Master: “What is the point in these futile tasks?”
Martin: “To drive me insane.”
The Master empties two thirds of the food on the floor.
The scene goes back to the pointless tasks.
The scene becomes another meal time.
Master: “What is the point in these futile tasks?”
Martin: “there are no futile tasks”
The master smiles.
Master: “Now we can begin training your mind.”
In the next scene Martin is taped to a chair in a basement, across from him is a TV with a video playing on the screen. On the TV we see James holding Michele from behind, he has a knife to her throat and is laughing insanely to the camera as he slits her throat and lets her fall to the floor dead. The top flickers and plays the part with her throat being slit over and over again.
As the camera pans around to Martin he is screaming and crying at the TV, we cannot hear any audio as there will be music playing over it so that we can try and just get the raw emotion from his face and actions.
As the scene changes we open on the master asleep in bed, Martin standing above him with the Master’s sword in his hand a maniac look on his face as he stabs down.
In this final scene we see Martin and James facing one another possibly beside a river or in a warehouse. Both draw swords and stand prepared to fight.
END
First draft. Written 11/012/08.
6 Minute Fictional Piece draft 2
Characters.
The two main character focuses:
Martin (the pupil): goes to the master to learn how to confront his enemies although we are not told until later in the story who he is trying to fight. This character has very little dialogue, keeping to his silence, which it is to be found out later, is due to grief. Martin will be wearing a black top and trousers
James (the killer): this character is not obviously the second central character, but for my story it is as the entire story unfolds due to his one action leading to Martin seeking revenge. We see this character twice and only one of them is in person as the other is a video. This character will be clean shaven and well groomed, always wearing a suit.
Additional characters:
The Master: The master is in charge of Martin’s training but his methods prove to be somewhat excessive to the point of being cruel. This character will be wearing a black Gi. I would ideally like to get my old media tutor Justin Day for this part as he is a martial artist and a drama actor.
Michele (Martin’s Girlfriend): Killed by James we only see this character briefly in the video and in Martin’s memory.
James’s men: three men who will be dressed in suits, each one carries a gun (fake). Only one of these characters is required to speak.
The Film.
INT Gym/Dojo/Poorly Lit Room.
Master: “You have been here for three months now.”
INT: Large Training Room (wooden flooring)
We see The Master holding a large pad for kicking as Martin trains furiously on the pad the Master is holding. The Master’s face is impassive giving the audience a sense of power from the Master.
INT Gym/Dojo/Poorly Lit Room.
Master: “you have learnt everything possible from me...”
EXT Sun rise. Hill top.
Martin is sparring with the Master using bokken. As the camera pans to Martin we see there is no emotion on his face, some of this will be shot from a distance so we see mainly silhouettes.
INT Gym/Dojo/Poorly Lit Room.
Master: regret in his voice “...Except for the one thing I have been trying to teach you. You have become so submerged in your own private little world that you have missed the most important lesson. Do you know what that lesson is?”
Martin: flat voiced and expressionless “No master.”
Master: “Would you like to learn?”
Martin: “Yes master”
Master: solemnly “I suggest you pray to any deity you may believe in”
EXT Forest.
Martin is using a tree as a punch bag, his hands bound in hand-wraps. He is still as expressionless as before. The camera passes behind a tree and when it emerges on the other side the forest has been replaced and instead of emerging at the other side of the tree we see the tree is now a wooden shed.
EXT Grassy area, no roads.
In this scene we see Martin dragging a cart filled with bricks. The wheels of the cart are square making it difficult to move as he drags the cart we see his face, for the first time he seems to be getting angry. We see him pile up the bricks in a small square up to waist height. When he is done The master covers the bricks with a thick quilt and hands him a hammer. As he begins to hammer with force the camera cuts to his face, there is now slightly more anger in his eyes.
INT Gym/Dojo/Poorly Lit Room.
Master: “You have finally started to learn the most important lesson, life is unfair, you know that, you knew as soon as you came to me. Now you are about to learn what to do about it, the only problem is you have to learn it for yourself.”
Martin: “How am I to do that?”
Master: “Do not worry, I shall provide the means, you shall provide the result”
INT Basement.
In the next scene Martin is taped to a chair, across from him is a TV with a video playing on the screen. On the TV we see James holding Michele from behind, he has a knife to her throat and is laughing insanely to the camera as he slits her throat and lets her fall to the floor dead. The tape flickers and plays the part with her throat being slit over and over again.
As the camera pans around to Martin he is screaming and crying at the TV, we cannot hear any audio as there will be music playing over it so that we can try and just get the raw emotion from his face and actions.
As the scene changes we open on the master asleep in bed, Martin standing above him with the Master’s sword in his hand and a look of pure hatred his face.
Martin: Softly “Life is unfair master, sleep well for you have created your evil, your time is done”
With a look of pure joy on his face he begins to laugh insanely. The screen fades to black. Off camera we hear the sound of a blade cutting through the air and the thud of the blade hitting the bed.
EXT Castle ruins, night time.
James and his men are stood around a fire. They all look slightly on edge. We hear a noise off camera. James inclines his head toward the noise and one of his men goes to check what it was, gun at the ready. The camera leaves the fire and follows the man investigating the noise.
Gangster 1: “Nothing here, must have been a dog”
The camera pans back to the fire, one person is missing. A second noise off camera. Pan to look in that direction. Pan back. Another person missing. James looks around for the cause of his men going missing.
P.O.V Martin, looking at James and his last gangster. The camera moves towards the last gangster, after a moment we can no longer see James as the camera moves toward the intended victim. We hear the click of a gun being cocked.
We see both James and Martin from a side on view, James has a gun to the back of Martin’s head, the shot pulls back and we see that Martin has the point of his sword facing backward hovering over James’s heart.
END
Second draft written 06/01/09
6 Minute Fictional draft 3
By Richard Norman
08/01/09
TITLE SEQUENCE
We see two men sat across from one another, the first is a plain
looking man wearing a plain black top and baggy black
trousers. he has a blank expression on his face. The other
man is wearing a martial arts gi, he is slightly older than
the other man but not old.
MASTER
You have been here for three months
now.
INT: LARGE TRAINING ROOM (WOODEN FLOORING)
We see The Master holding a large pad for kicking as Martin trains
furiously on the pad the Master is holding. The Master’s
face is impassive giving the audience a sense of power from
the Master.
INT GYM/DOJO/
MASTER
you have learnt everything possible
from me...
EXT SUN RISE. HILL TOP
Martin is sparring with the Master using bokken. As the camera
pans to Martin we see there is no emotion on his face, some
of this will be shot from a distance so we see mainly
silhouettes.
INT GYM/DOJO
MASTER
But you have failed to see the most important lesson. Do you know
what that lesson is?
MARTIN
No Master
MASTER
Do you even want to learn what that
lesson is Martin?
MARTIN
Yes Master
MASTER
If you believe in any deity pray to
them, it may help.
EXT FOREST DAY
Martin is using a tree as a punch bag, his hands bound in
hand-wraps. He is still as expressionless as before. The
camera passes behind a tree and when it emerges on the other
side the forest has been replaced and instead of emerging at
the other side of the tree we see the tree is now a wooden
shed.
EXT GRASSY AREA, NO ROADS DAY
In this scene we see Martin dragging a cart filled with bricks.
The wheels of the cart are square making it difficult to
move as he drags the cart we see his face, for the first
time he seems to be getting angry. We see him pile up the
bricks in a small square up to waist height. When he is done
The master covers the bricks with a thick quilt and hands
him a hammer. As he begins to hammer with force the camera
cuts to his face, there is now slightly more anger in his
eyes.
INT GYM/DOJO/
MASTER
You have finally started to learn
the most important lesson, life is
unfair, you know that, you knew as
soon as you came to me. But you still
do not have what it takes, follow
me I have one more thing to show
you.
WE follow them as they walk together down a hallway to a
room with a TV on a table and a hard back chair. the room is
lit by a small desk lamp.
MASTER
Martin, this is hard for me to do
but you have forgotten why you came
here. You have buried your anger
because you are too afraid of your
problems, that is why you cannot
deal out the revenge you want to.
perhaps this will help.
The Master picks up a tape from next to the TV.
MARTIN
Master, what is that?
The master ignores him and puts the tape in. on the tape we
see a young man in a suit stood behind a woman wearing an
engagement on her finger. The young man has a knife to the
woman's throat.
JAMES
Martin, this is a personal message
from me to you, this is the price
of your failure to pay your debt.
MARTIN
Master turn this tape off, NOW.
The master goes to the TV and turns it off. Martin grabs the
master and slams him into the wall, tears in his eyes.
MARTIN
Where did you get this tape?
MASTER
That is unimportant Martin. The
importance is in the fact that you
failed to take action when you had
to, you believe it to be your fault
and as such you are afraid to face
the man who killed her. And you
know what, you were right. It is
your fault she is dead, had you
payed back what you owed Michele
would be alive today.
MARTIN
GET OUT, LEAVE ME, you cruel sick
bastard.
The master leaves. Martin falls to the floor crying. the
scene fades to black.
INT LIVING ROOM NIGHT
Martin and Michele are sat on a sofa together there is no
dialogue, instead there is music. They are both laughing and
have alcholic drinks.
The scene remains the same but the characters fade out and
fade back in both stood facing one another. Both appear to
be angry and yelling at one another.
The characters fade out again and fade back in, Michele is
sat on the sofa while Martin is holding out a ring,
proposing to her.
EXT CASTLE RUINS, NIGHT TIME
James and his men are stood around a fire. They all look
slightly on edge. We hear a noise off camera. James inclines
his head toward the noise and one of his men goes to check
what it was, gun at the ready. The camera leaves the fire
and follows the man investigating the noise
GANGSTER 1
Nothin' here must have bin a dog.
The camera pans back to the fire, one person is missing. A
second noise off camera. Pan to look in that direction. Pan
back. Another person missing. James looks around for the
cause of his men going missing. P.O.V Martin, looking at
James and his last gangster. The camera moves towards the
last gangster, after a moment we can no longer see James as
the camera moves toward the intended victim. We hear the
click of a gun being cocked. We see both James and Martin
from a side on view, James has a gun to the back of Martin's
head, the shot pulls back and we see that Martin has the
point of his sword facing backward hovering over James's
heart.
END
